My Special Coach

I'm not always easy to coach.

On the one hand, in ANY sport (or anyTHING for that matter), I have such a drive to be better, I will do just about anything you ask me to do. I am one of the most motivated people you'll ever meet.

On the other hand, I can be very hard on myself.  In fact, I've never had a coach for anything who hasn't said told me that within a week of meeting me.

And I can be annoying.  God, I try not to be.  But I can.

When I first started Crossfit, there was one coach I really connected with.  He had just the right way of dealing with my self-deprecating humor and had a way of making me let up on myself. He left our box a while back.  That was a real loss for me. 

Sometimes I feel very fragile.  No, most of the time I feel very fragile now.  Even healthy, I teeter on this fence of feeling invincible and feeling like I'm falling into a black hole.  I am notorious for comparing myself to others--in everything.  Several years ago I decided to try yoga.  I live in a college town, which meant I would be learning yoga next to a room full of flexible skinny twenty-somethings.  The instructor told me to focus on myself and where I was on that day.  That was impossible.  If the girl next to me could wrap her leg around her neck three times, why couldn't I?

When I started Crossfit, I was fifty one.  Most of those at our box were at least twenty years younger than I was.  I was  overweight, a good strong paddler, but definitely not a Crossfitter. About once every week or so, I would have some kind of meltdown.  I usually didn't do it around anyone, but it was always about how inadequate I felt.  No matter how much I improved, this always happened.

Coming back to Crossfit with a twelve inch scar down my extremely sore belly, chicken wings, chicken legs isn't easy.  If I felt fragile before, I certainly feel fragile coming back looking like a piece of poultry.  The challenge is every bit emotional as it is physical.

I have a special coach. Despite ALL of my bullshit--physical, emotional, and the annoyances I bring with that, she makes me feel like I belong there.  Some coaches had given up on me--even before the accident. Don't get me wrong--I wasn't ignored, but I could tell they were somewhat less invested in me than younger athletes.  I totally get that. But my special coach has helped me modify things so I can do what everyone else does, even when my body can't do it exactly that way right now. But she challenges me too.  And she notices me and tells me when I'm doing well.  She makes me feel like a rockstar and that isn't easy right now.  I feel so incredibly blessed!